...Home

Yes, that's right, I'm finally home. Well actually, I've been home exactly 99 days today. It took me almost 100 days to finally accept the fact that I'm not going to wake up to the sound of voices speaking in Italian or the smell or freshly brewed coffee anymore. I don't get to go to school everyday and see my best friends and laugh with them as we wait for the teacher. And although it hurts when I think about these things, it also makes me so happy to know they happened, to know that I have people all around the world who love me and who I love so much. Being home isn't bad by any means, but I miss the adventure. I feel stuck here. And not in the sense that I can't leave, but in the sense that I can't be the person I became this last year. Nobody fully understands me anymore and they never will no matter how hard they try. Maybe that's because they didn't know the me I was in Italy. Or maybe because they still only see me as the 16 year old girl I was before I left. Because to the normal eye, my view on the world is completely unrealistic. I want to go and do things and experience and learn as much as I can not matter the cost. I would rather be an old lady with nothing to my name who chased every dream I had than to be a rich old lady with lots of nice things who let life pass by. I want an extraordinary life and I don't think that is to much to ask. When I used to think of my future I imagined I would graduate high school then go to college, get a good job, get married, have kids and live happily ever after. I guess that's just all I knew. Now I've seen there are different options out there and I don't know what I want. I could do what I always thought I should do, or I could be free and go travel and enjoy every second of life. Life is truly just one decision after another, each increasing in difficulty as it comes. My year abroad opened my mind  to so many more things, that my already too big imagination is about ready to burst with different options. I'm drowning in my daydreams trying to decide what's next for me. Who do I want to be and what do I want to do? And the problem lies with the fact that I have to just choose one thing and that's it. My problem is I want a bit of it all.